


It's a Funny Story, Isn't It?

by MoonOwl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Bertolt-centric, F/M, Hugging, Manga Spoilers, talk of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2013-12-11
Packaged: 2018-01-04 08:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1078528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonOwl/pseuds/MoonOwl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monsters weren't made to love, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Funny Story, Isn't It?

This wasn't supposed to happen. Parts of it were, but not all of it.

Mina Carolina was dead. That was not the problem. The problem was that Annie had made a friend and then that friend died and Annie felt bad, even though everything about her existence contradicted her feeling bad over the death of the human.

Bertholdt felt bad that Annie felt bad. That also was not supposed to happen. 

Disarray plagued the squad. They knew that not everyone was going to survive the first mission, they just didn't expect this to happen. No one knew the Colossal Titan was going to show up, bring Titans into the walls, and make this their first real battle. 

Well, some of the trainees did know. It's a funny story, isn't it? 

Bertholdt walked past the horrified faces of his squadmates. They had all lost hope and comrades and friends. 

Well, they had to face it one way or another. 

Especially Annie. 

Pretty, cold, smart, stoic Annie. 

But she was also ugly, angry, naïve, upset Annie. At that moment, she was. 

She was eating one of her last meals with the rest of the trainees from the 104th. They would all be moving to their respective units soon. Swollen red eyes looked down at her food, only glancing up every so often to look at her passing by squadmates. 

Bertholdt sat next to Reiner who droned on about how much he was going to miss Marco. Marco was a great friend. He was a smart kid. He was funny. That's all Reiner could say, not anything like “Thank goodness we survived.” or “Hey, we can still make it home someday.” Bertholdt just wanted to yell “Shut up!” at the top of his lungs but he couldn't. Because he was a coward. Because he was monster. And he didn't know which was worse. 

Bertholdt stopped paying attention to his grieving best friend and watched Annie. His grieving...whatever she was to him. She wasn't his friend, he knew that. But he wanted her to be. "Friend" really wasn't the right word, but that's all he would admit at the moment. 

And it would be a good place to start, wouldn't it be?

He saw her get up from her seat and walk out. He quickly said goodbye to Reiner and followed her out. In his gut, he knew he should have avoided this, but in also in his gut, he felt helpless. Helpless that something was wrong and he couldn't do a thing about it.

“Annie.” He called out to her once they were both outside. 

“What?!” She yelled.

Bertholdt grabbed her hands quickly. “Annie, please, keep your voice down, I don't want anyone to hear us.” He was being sincere and sweet and calm with her. He hoped she would calm down and just let him hold her hands, because in all honestly, that's all he wanted. 

“Alright. Fine.” Her voice became a harsh whisper. “What do you want?” 

“I want to know what's wrong, you're acting strange.”

She bit her lower lip and tears began to flow from her reddened eyes. “I just lost the only friend I've ever had. Can't I be sad for once? Can't I be sad that I never got to be normal kid?! You got a normal childhood once. Yeah, it was years ago outside the walls, but you go it. I was born in the walls. I was raised to do this.”

He wanted to say that he was reborn and raised to do it also, but he decided against it. 

“Annie...” He began, his voice just above a whisper. 

“I didn't even act like the rest of the girls in barracks because I didn't think I could. Well I really can't now, can I?” She smiled bitterly through her tears. “They would talk about the boys and the girls they liked. It was stupid and superficial, but they had fun for once in their miserable lives. Mina...she liked Marco. She liked him a lot. She doesn't have to worry about him finding some other girl now does she?” She let out a miserable laugh. 

She still held onto his hands.

“Annie.” He said again. “I...I can't--”

“That's right. You can't. You can't do anything. No one can.” She choked back her last few tears and sniffled. “But it's alright. I'll be better tomorrow. I promise. I won't let myself fail.” She shook her head at herself. 

“Annie, let me hug you.” 

She looked up at him with confusion.

“It's all I can do for you.” 

It really was. He couldn't bring Mina back. He couldn't even tell her that he was sorry that she lost her friend. They were no better than the Titan that killed her, of course. Actually, they were worse. That Titan didn't know what they were doing. Annie and Bertholdt did, and they had no time to even be sorry for it. And no one had any time to forgive them for it. 

She closed the gap between them and nuzzled her face into his chest. She must have been breathing in sweat and the musty old smell of his sweater, but she didn't seem to mind. She didn't cry again, she simply just held onto him tightly and didn't let go.

Bertholdt placed a hand on top of her head and gently ran his open palm against her pulled-back hair. Gentle shushing sounds escaped from his lips. He closed his eyes. It was, in a way, nice, and he was so goddamn selfish for that. Annie was grieving, and Bertholdt was upset with her for grieving because he couldn't do a thing about it. Worst of all, he was using her grief as a chance to hold her and it felt nice to him. 

Nevermind being soldiers, they were all still teenagers with raging hormones. Of course they talked about what girls and boys they liked and teased each other when so-and-so's crush walked by. Reiner would always tease him saying he needed to get a girlfriend and that he wasn't going to do it by just standing around and looking at pretty girls. But Reiner forgot that they weren't typical teenage boys sometimes. 

He even forgot that they weren't soldiers like the rest.

Bertholdt couldn't admit it, but he loved Annie. He wanted her safe and warm and in his arms. It scared him. He was a monster, and so was she. His love for her could turn into some obsession just as monstrous as himself. His love for her could end up killing him, or her, or them both. 

Monsters weren't made to love, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I was talking to beruanis.tumblr.com and this happened. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
